I hated wearing dresses from the beginning.
When my mom went through my closet, she’d ask why a certain dress was tucked away in the back, or why it still had a price tag attached. I’d eventually give in to my mom’s wishes, but I hated wearing those stupid things. I just wanted to play video games with my brother and hang out with the guys.
Later on in junior high, when I asked a boy to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, he laughed at me. In retrospect, he was probably wondering why a lesbian wanted to go to the dance with him. If you couldn’t guess, school was a confusing time for me. It would be years before I officially came out and joined the multitudes of LGBTQIA+ people who celebrate the present and contemplate the past during the annual Pride Month.
The theme for this year’s NYC Pride season is “Reflect. Empower. Unite.” These three words struck me as a good way to organize this blog. It’s important for me to reflect on past experiences that have made me the person I’ve become, and in doing so I gain insight into the progress I’ve made toward self-empowerment. However, the ultimate hope in telling my story is to encourage that last part, “Unite,” to urge allies to stand in solidarity with LGBTQIA+ colleagues and, in turn, create more inclusive, vibrant workplaces to benefit us all.
Reflecting on the Past
Looking back, I realized that I had denied who I actually was for nearly half my life.
When I got into high school, my obstacles became more pronounced. Gone were my carefree days as a tomboy running around during recess, where I’d beat up the boys to protect the girls in my role as their unofficial bodyguard. I was still unaware of the societal pressures that I’d later face, difficulties compounded by my being a closeted lesbian who was also Black.
The reality of my being viewed as an “an other” through these different lenses also reared its head in other unexpected ways. One day, when I went to sit at the lunch table, I was told that I couldn’t sit there and was called an “Oreo.” It’s slang for someone who is “Black on the outside and white on the inside.” They called me that because they had noticed that I’d been taught to speak proper English. In my naivete, I thought it was because I was Black on the outside and sweet on the inside. I still prefer my interpretation. And yet, it is through contemplation of these past challenges that I can see how far I’ve come.
Discovering my Empowerment
Becoming confident and stronger was a long and hard journey. By the end of college, away from home and now surrounded by peers, I started to come out of the closet little by little.
One particularly indelible, yet conflicting, moment for me was when Ellen DeGeneres came out on her TV show, Ellen. It was so positive to see such an example of someone not scared to come out, and yet, soon after she did, the show was canceled! I was heartbroken and remained in the closet somewhat because of my dismay at how she was mistreated. I didn’t want to be ridiculed. I remember thinking, “Do I want to come out if that’s going to happen to me?”
After I graduated, I moved back home. I again returned to giving in to the pressure to wear skirts and dresses when I’d go to work, but slowly, I used money from my new job to get my own apartment. Once I moved out, people pretty soon noticed that I’d stopped wearing dresses and skirts, and that’s when I knew it was time to come out for good.
I was free at last!
If I were to go back to give advice to my younger self, it would be that it’s okay to be different. Eventually you’ll find your own group of people. It’s okay to just be a trailblazer on your own!
Uniting as Allies
As we celebrate Pride Month at Choreograph, the power of uniting as an ally cannot be overstated.
Allies are compassionate advocates who, regardless of their own sexual orientation or gender identity, stand in solidarity with LGBTQIA+ colleagues to help create safer and more inclusive spaces, programs, and events where people feel free to be their true, authentic selves. When LGBTQIA+ folks don’t feel empowered, they make calculations with every person they meet, and constantly worry about how others will respond. But by working to embrace each other’s uniqueness and listen to diverse viewpoints, our combined horizons can be broadened. Empathy allows for better collaboration at work, which in turn encourages creativity and innovation. Allies should understand that they are represented by the “A” in LGBTQIA+, and the responsibility to create a more inclusive work environment that’s empowering for everyone rests with all.
Happy Pride!
At Choreograph, we believe that creativity shines when workplaces are inclusive and vibrant. If you’re interested in learning more about what it’s like to work at Choreograph, please visit our careers page.
